solitude....

its a beautiful song if you've never heard it. she speaks of a person haunting her, someone from her past.

i look back on my life and wonder where that boy went.

my innocence, my big heart full of dreams.

my mind is constantly in motion,

i never get a chance to speak to

the wind or the tree's like i used to.

silly maybe.

but i lost a big part of me when i lost those sweet sweet friends of mine;

removed from my sight

so what about my solitude.

my contention lies in the

discovery of my own humanity,

determining my own moral

without hesitation!

and to remain eternally loyal to myself.

am i just selfish, a narcissus.

am i justified.

and what of love,

i know nothing of love.

my dreams fade a bit more

with the setting of each sun.

so for now, i find love in myself, in my solitude

planes trains and automobiles

im going to do a lot of traveling in the next year.... it's decided.

a bit of randomness

Movies I'm tired of seeing......

1. people stuck in an elevator
2. twins seprated at birth
3. people having near death experiences and seeing or talking to ghosts
4. Saw II, III, IV, V, VI and so on. 1 was enough
5. stories about mythological gods.... that have already been made
6. people switching bodies

Went into a porn shop and saw these..... if you've been to Castro then you've prolly seen this at Does Your Mother Know. The question I pose, is what can we expect as a community when we define ourselves in these ways. granted it was a sex shop yes. but it speaks volumes to the roles that we are forced to assimilate to. all im saying is that no where in the castro can i find something like this that speaks volumes of the persons character and not just there dick or sexual position.

if you dont know what a slush puppie is, you should find out. think drinkable snowcone but better.

this is a picture from back home. apparently its one big vineyard now..... none the less it is a little bit country back home. which brings me to the next picture.

this is Goaty. we found him in the front seat of a two seater truck. I asked the owner if he was domesticated like a dog and she said, " i just felt like bringing him along with me into town, he gets bored" right on lady.... right on!

and finally.... the dreaded sock. I did my laundry the other day, and i mean ALL of it. and when i was almost done with putting everything away, i found the one that got away. it never fucking fails. always 1 fucking sock. ugh.

woah woah woah

recap on the weekends.......

hung out with Kelly and played Eye Spy for like an hour, the old school book. so i thought Id add a link so u too can play I Spy. : )

http://www.childrenslibrary.org/icdl/BookPage?bookid=mrzispy_00260005&pnum1=1&twoPage=true&route=text&size=0&fullscreen=false&lang=English&ilang=English

worked....

saw SF Symphony at Dolores with Thomas, then we went to Dore Alley were we bumped into Vi and Peter.....

later that night i BARTed it over to pleasanton and met up with Eryn and watched Two Gentlemen and Verona with a 60's twist at an outdoors performance..... peed in broad day light at the BART station while people passed by..... i was kinda tipsy. fell asleep during the performance, but no one noticed. hahah

then woke up went to work again

then went and saw toy story 3 with Kim today.

Big ups to my girl Barbie for quoting Rousseau. haahha, i think this was my favorite part. its right here below. oh and mr. tortilla head. hahah.

good weekend.

gone people

this is sum bullshit.

I received an email today from Wells Fargo that said the following:

We’ve recently revised our Online Access Agreement, adding new provisions and additional information about our services.

You do not need to do anything to continue using our Online Banking services. Your continued use of Online Banking services constitutes your agreement to these new provisions.

basically they give u no choice. why am I dependent on a banking system and at their mercy..... isnt it my money. we've gone too far America.... too far.

"where'd all the good people go...... we got heaps and heaps of what we sow......" -Jack Johnson

my old friend

I purchased some art supplies the other day and I must say, it feels so good to be drawing again. There's just something about it, wish i could explain.

I will be attempting a self portrait soon. last one i did was when i was 19. I hope I haven't lost that drawing. anyway, hopefully there is more drawings to show in the future.

the new job

The greatest thing happened the other day. guy comes in orders 2 lattes, i hand him the first, then the second and walk away to restock the fridge. I minute later I hear "Frank, you have a fan." to which i replied, "huh?." and my co-worker proceeds to tell me "this guy just tipped you two dollars and additional dollar for everyone in here cause he and his wife are a fan of your lattes." I told the guy thank you, and that it means a lot and he nodded and walked out. I imediately threw up my arms and said "what up tho'....... you got a dollar, you got dollar, you got a dollar."

anyway, it made me feel good. especially since i double brewed earlier that morning and got coffee all over the counter and floor........ not cute.

also, i asked for more hours and was asked if i would like to work at both locations. hope it works out.

so i work near the zoo. Strangest thing, I've seen a peacock walk up to the gate, look at the street for a second or two and walk back in the direction he came from like "im not gonna go there!" I asked one of the zoo keepers who come in the mornings about the peacocks and apparently they roam free around the park which I thought was pretty sweet. He also informed me that they have a fondness for the Giraffes. who knew?

the name game

My given birth name is Frank Dominguez and I have recently decided to change my name to Francisco Flores Dominguez.

I am a Mexican American and to me the only way for a Mexican American to become successful in this country is to assimilate into the white culture. Think about it. The more ethnic a Mexican looks, the worse off he is in employment, housing, and social situations. Even Mexicans with in the community will refer to darker skinned Mexicans as "wetbacks" or "chunthado." Paulo Freire and Frantz Fanon both speak about how the oppressed class adopts the ideals of their oppressor and internalize the negative feelings of their culture into themselves and other like them.

The more white you become, that is, speaking dressing and acting a certain way, the better off you are.

So I change my name not to sound pretentious or because its the thing to do. I do it to reclaim the little bit of heritage that i have lost. an attempt at least. but whats in a name really. The truth is that it will take a lot more to learn about the things i was taught to forget.

The frustrating thing is that even my names are all Spanish and there is no semblance of any of my Native ancestors in me. They have been forgotten. But i can make some bomb mexican food. : )

love lust and choices at 22

I showed this to my roommate and he said "it sounds like a great blog" but that was as far as it went with him. :) so I'll turn it over to the public and get a second opinion..... in my blog. This actually stems from a thought I had when i was 19 walking around hillcrest posting flyers on street corners calling for a re-evaluation of the heart.

the audience is intended for a gay man.

love, lust, and choices at 22

this is on matters of the heart and thoughts on love in the gay community

I am calling for a re-evaluation of the heart

The open acceptance of promiscuity has tainted the heart. Sex has ruined us. Our greatest pleasure is the spawn of our greatest misery. How common is it to hear a guy say that they are tired of the same old thing, and they just want love. And how often does this same person, jump into bed with someone for no reason accept for the lust that drives them. Doesnt these seem contradictory.

Before i go too far and upset you, let me assert that casual sex is not the problem, so long as it is safe. Viewing a person as a sexual object first and as a person second is a problem. Sex and Love have been removed from each other.

To accept a casual fling, or many casual flings, is accepting the removal of love from the sexual experience. It is pure physical pleasure. Yet the heart yearns that sex and love come together in union. Where does one frame of thought begin and the other end?

A human being was given free will. It is your choice to sleep with whoever you choose. Your consequences, much like your decision, are your own. (Don't get it twisted consequences can be good and bad.) Now many will get offended or insulted as though I am outright attacking them for promiscuity. This is not the case or my intention. I myself am not above the influences of my desires. I do not come from a place of malice, I speak from a place of love. What I am condemning is the cycle of wanting much more than “just a fuck,” and the same people still fucking around. I condemn your sorrow, my sorrow the sorrow that we are responsible for. The longing for love.

Fuck your brains out with whoever you want but understand that as the quanitity of sex increases the quality of love decreases. If you are content with the outcomes of your love life as you continue to sleep around then by all means keep on drumming. But if your heart is still yearning for that love, than stop and re-evaluate your choices.

There are those who will scream “ what right do you have to judge my choices” and to them I answer, “no one.” These are merely words, thoughts on my mind, and you are welcome to absorb them for what they are or simple stop reading. The goal is to open discussion. I do however reserve the right to argue that the heart becomes tainted when it enters the gay community.

The matters of the heart have been forgotten.

We are stuck in a cycle. confined to the boundaries that have been established for us by the community. Think back to your first few experiences with another guy, how scared, nervous, excited you were. Now recall the feelings you got when you realized or were told that it was “just sex.” Because it has been made acceptable to sleep around, it is pushed onto the new people entering into the community. A new person coming into the community with their purity and innocence is open to the idea of love but receives a lesson in lust. Heartbreak after heartbreak they become tainted and in turn perpetuate this standard. Or are you yourself too jaded or ashamed to admit that you remember this guy.

I am but one person who thinks about things in life. maybe a little too much, but for me i think the gay community doesn't do enough thinking. And if they do, it's in a superficial manner, as in their looks and material acquisitions.

remember yesterday, discovering tomorrow.

When I was in high school, i listened to jack johnson all the time. He spoke to me about all the things in the world that never made sense to me and made me feel content in owning my feelings.

so here's one of my favorites.....

Now you have to actually listen to the song and pay attention to the lyrics at the same time. it makes all the difference. the videos on the bottom.

There's traffic in the sky
And it doesn't seem to be getting much better
There's kids playing games on the pavement
Drawing waves on the pavement
Shadows of the planes on the pavement
Its enough to make me cry
But that don't seem like it would make it feel better
Maybe its a dream and if I scream
It will burst at the seams
This whole place will fall to pieces
And then they'd say...

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell
If you keep on adding stones
Soon the water will be lost in the well

Puzzle pieces in the ground
But no one ever seems to be digging
Instead they're looking up towards the heavens
With their eyes on the heavens
There are shadows on the way to the heavens
It's enough to make me cry
But that don't seem like it would make it feel better
The answers could be found
We could learn from digging down
But no one ever seems to be digging
Instead they'll say...

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell
If you keep on adding stones
Soon the water will be lost in the well

Words of wisdom all around
But no one ever seems to listen
They're talking about their plans on paper
Building up from the pavement
There are shadows from the scrapers on the pavement
It's enough to make me sigh
But that don't seem like it would make it feel better
The words are still around
But the words are only sounds
And no one ever seems to listen
Instead they'll say

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell
If you keep on adding stones
Soon the water will be lost in the well

Niggers in America

What better way to introduce myself than to explain a current dilemma that I have encountered today. I was at a friends house talking very casually today about the fourth of July and what everyones plans were for the evening. As the conversation progressed, we began to talk about halloween in the Castro. My friends boyfriend very casually stated the following: " It was really great before the Niggers messed it up!" to which I replied "that's my cue to leave." and went home.

As of recently I have been making efforts to purify myself spiritually. Once upon a time I was a kind soul. I feel that situations in my life have corrupted and defiled me, leaving me angry and at times malicious. So I am taking time to understand these factors and trying desperately to reclaim the goodness that lies in my heart.

The problem is that today I wanted to scream at this mother fucker about how his ancestors, The White Man, has mutilated entire races through subjugation, slavery, rape, cultural intolerance and as of now institutionalized this racism through laws and methods practice by the legal system. I wanted to tell him that he and his ancestors are to blame for turning the Black Man into a criminal. I wanted to tell him what a piece of shit he was and what an archaic mindset he had. I pitied him. But instead I walked out. Turn the other cheek as they say in that one book. . .

How do I maintain my inner peace when the outer influences create turmoil?

I sometimes forget that racism is still prevalent even amongst educated people because I live in a bubble. Though I would argue that racism equates to ignorance, which is the opposite of being knowledgeable (knowledge being the prerequisite for someone to be deemed educated.)

Just some food for thought on this fourth of July.

Happy fourth everyone.