Before you read this, you should know, im kind of an asshole.
It is my belief that u can tell a lot about a person from what they order at a coffee shop. More than that, its the way they drink and the thought process that goes into the decision of selecting your beverage.
Id like to start with my least favorite order. . . . . The NONFAT Sugar Free bitch. Are you so vain that you would embrace the negative consequences of using a Sugar substitute, so as to avoid gaining weight. My annoyance with you grows with each modification to your drink. For instance, a Nonfat Sugar Free Vanilla Latte person, is a bit of a tight ass, but only a little. A Nonfat Sugar Free Vanilla, Half Caf, no foam, extra hot Latte. You're a bitch! And you have control issues. you are literally drinking shit in a cup. and if you decaf it, its called a "Why Bother." your milk is just shy of water, you removed the best part of a latte(foam), you're probably too image conscious, and you burnt the milk. And id think twice before u ask me to remake it, cause i can already see you doing it before you order. so put it out your mind please.
the simple order. . . . . a coffee, or a latte. no bs, just a good cup of coffee. You dont ask ridiculous questions and you are there for one of two reasons.
To get your buzz on or to enjoy a delicious drink. Both are not mutually exclusive.
If you are there to get your buzz on, well, who can blame you. Life gets pretty hard some days and a cup of coffee softens the blow of getting up early. If you insist on getting an excessive amount of espresso in your drink, just stick with a cup of coffee. Too many shots means you have something to prove, or you are a 6'3 240 pound giant and this is the equivalent of an average sized person drinking a double 12 oz. latte. rule of thumb- less is more.
If you are there to enjoy a simple latte, you probably are a pleasant simple person who looks on the brighter side of life. Adding a bit of flavor to your drink isnt bad either. Vanilla, hazelnut, amaretto, sugar. so long as you keep it simple. even a "light vanilla" request isnt too bad. But there is such a thing as too much. And anything over just enough, is too much for anyone. . . . did u get that? cause im not sure I did. If you dont like the foam, you're weird. why drink a latte? but i do understand many of you suffer from PTSD from Starbucks.
mocha's are tricky . . . .there is a difference between "i want a hot chocolate that has a little coffee flavor", and "I want a coffee with a little chocolate flavor." that difference is called "whipped cream" (sidebar, you see how I included the -ped at the end of whipped, that's because its whipped cream not whip cream). I cant really be angry with you either way, you like what you like. But you are fooling yourself if you think that it's called a mocha if you add a lot of chocolate and whipped cream. and for that, you probably do the same thing in your own life. believing you are something you are not.
chai, lets be honest, the only true chai is a blend of black tea, cardamom seed, cloves, cinnomon, any other ingredients depending on variety. if you havent extracted the tea yourself, you probably just like it because it is sweet and spicy. dont get me wrong, i love oregon iced chai. but its the sugar that i want when i drink it. lol. now actual chai, is fucking amazing when you brew the right amount. add milk and sugar to taste, whatever you like.
tea, its pretty hard to tell what a person is like with tea. statistically there are higher amounts of asian people who drink green tea and english/european and middle eastern people who drink black tea. but what does that mean . . . . i think its the flavor of tea that tells a bit about a person. If you add ice, its because you are impatient.
americno's- why...... i dont understand you. its like having a really bitter cup of coffee with less caffeine. torture much?
the man of my dreams will drink a cup of coffee, and make it his damn self. hahaha. but will occasionally enjoy a latte made by yours truly.
