keeping face.

i never get around to writing in this thing.......cause im too busy living life....... lol. but seriously.....

just finished my last semester at SFSU and life has been one big fucking adventure every since.

I mean, I haven't attained any significant job or possession. but I like to measure my life in other ways .

lets see.... my sister came up for my grad party, that was pretty awesome. Spent the night showing them a night out dancing like i do...... and showed them china town, which we all agreed was a thing you gotta do sometime in your life but thats probably it, otherwise....go to china. lol

then Alannamae stopped by outta the blue like she does. cept the bitch hella slept the whole time.

david and jewel came up and we spent a whole day with grace eating. i mean fuckin eatiiiing!!!!! the most delicious food all over the city. that day will go down in history, no joke.

Pride Weekend was insane!!!!! 5 days of nonstop dancing.

went to Napa for the first time. did a little hiking and jumping off a waterfall for the first time. sooooo much fun.

future plans.

Im on my way to San Diego tonight for pride. Super excited about seeing david, jewel, and tony

and to go back to Hillcrest. I will always cherish the days I had there.

Then going back home for the nieces' Birthday. always kinda weird to go back home. i have a love hate hate relationship. << notice theres two hates. love my family and love the weather, and love the produce, but if i never had to live with some country ass bumpkin, redneck, trash, holier than thou, racist, sexist, bunch of bigots, it'd be too soon......excited about seeing my nephews though. lol.

then my birthday..... ugh. 24....... im almost half a century. i think im nearing an age where it would be ok to stick at when people ask...... like 26...... but i would hope to just age gracefully.

and you'll just have to stay tuned for all the other random adventures. half of which i forget to mention.

but dont hold your breath cause i'd rather be living than talking bout it.

and now some photos, in no particular order.

my family SUCKS sometimes

From here on out. I REFUSE to go home to visit my family if they do not make an effort to be apart of my life.

Since I graduated in 2005 (6 years ago), I have made countless efforts to be apart of my families lives. I have gone back for:

Christmas

Thanksgiving

Birthdays

Births

Baby Showers

Weddings

and just to say hey whats up.

When I am home, I visit my tio's my tia's my mom, my friends, and as many people as I can in the short time I am usually allotted

And yet I am told, "Why haven't you called your tio", "why are you not coming for this year for thanksgiving." Told that I need to make a better effort to call for birthdays and shit.

Now let me ask you..... how many of you have come to see me. In San Diego, Santa Cruz, or San Francisco.

The only time anyone has ever come to see me is when they needed a place to crash when they were passing through town, getting me out of jail, or helping me move. I am very grateful for the help, but as soon as the task was completed, they were gone sooner than they got here.

Not ONCE did they stop to see where I work, meet my friends, visit my school.

Can u tell me who my best friend is, cause Ive known her for 5 years now. tell me. FUCKING TELL ME.

I know where u work, ive probably been there, i make it to your parties, i meet your friends.

Well FUCK ALL OF YOU.

NO MORE. Im done with all your bullshit. you do not know what it is to be a family and I do not have the effort to teach you.

YOU WANNA BE APART OF MY LIFE? than fucking do it. Cause my patients just wore out and im done trying to be apart of yours.

Mockingbirds

nobody said shit about bush when hussein died. but here everyone is on facebook spewing out the same shit " Obama taking credit for the military" blah blah blah

im just glad cause its good for Obama's approval rating and better a democrat in office than a republican. its like the lesser of two evil.

I just wish that people would have some original insightful thoughts rather than spewing the same shit they heard someone else say. or heard on the television.

fucking drones

The sad thing is that this will probably get him a better shot at re-election than anything else that happens during his administration.

fucking drones

disgusted

I get so disgusted some days when so many people in this world dont speak up and fight the rights of all human beings. how they go day to day living in the dark, hiding from the reality of the world. how pathetic. And more so, is that many are quick to spout off there idea of what is "right in the eyes of God" as though their way of existing is the means by which others should measure there lives.

Its hard not to hate white people when every time I turn around they are the ones telling me and the rest of the world that we are second rate.

mind over matter

sooooo.... you're dating someone, and the sex is Amazing.....

do you

A. Tell your friends all about it

B. Tell only your close friends

C. Keep it to your self

the answer is c. you dont say shit. shit lie to them and tell them his dick is small. it's nice to brag to your friends how good ur sex life is with someone, but you cant trust anyone in this world. and all it takes is one person to try and jump on your shit cause they heard the gettin was good.

so learn to find satisfaction in your own mind. as long as u know its good, who cares what anyone else thinks.

Coffee-ology or Personal Therapy?

Before you read this, you should know, im kind of an asshole.

It is my belief that u can tell a lot about a person from what they order at a coffee shop. More than that, its the way they drink and the thought process that goes into the decision of selecting your beverage.

Id like to start with my least favorite order. . . . . The NONFAT Sugar Free bitch. Are you so vain that you would embrace the negative consequences of using a Sugar substitute, so as to avoid gaining weight. My annoyance with you grows with each modification to your drink. For instance, a Nonfat Sugar Free Vanilla Latte person, is a bit of a tight ass, but only a little. A Nonfat Sugar Free Vanilla, Half Caf, no foam, extra hot Latte. You're a bitch! And you have control issues. you are literally drinking shit in a cup. and if you decaf it, its called a "Why Bother." your milk is just shy of water, you removed the best part of a latte(foam), you're probably too image conscious, and you burnt the milk. And id think twice before u ask me to remake it, cause i can already see you doing it before you order. so put it out your mind please.

the simple order. . . . . a coffee, or a latte. no bs, just a good cup of coffee. You dont ask ridiculous questions and you are there for one of two reasons.

To get your buzz on or to enjoy a delicious drink. Both are not mutually exclusive.

If you are there to get your buzz on, well, who can blame you. Life gets pretty hard some days and a cup of coffee softens the blow of getting up early. If you insist on getting an excessive amount of espresso in your drink, just stick with a cup of coffee. Too many shots means you have something to prove, or you are a 6'3 240 pound giant and this is the equivalent of an average sized person drinking a double 12 oz. latte. rule of thumb- less is more.

If you are there to enjoy a simple latte, you probably are a pleasant simple person who looks on the brighter side of life. Adding a bit of flavor to your drink isnt bad either. Vanilla, hazelnut, amaretto, sugar. so long as you keep it simple. even a "light vanilla" request isnt too bad. But there is such a thing as too much. And anything over just enough, is too much for anyone. . . . did u get that? cause im not sure I did. If you dont like the foam, you're weird. why drink a latte? but i do understand many of you suffer from PTSD from Starbucks.

mocha's are tricky . . . .there is a difference between "i want a hot chocolate that has a little coffee flavor", and "I want a coffee with a little chocolate flavor." that difference is called "whipped cream" (sidebar, you see how I included the -ped at the end of whipped, that's because its whipped cream not whip cream). I cant really be angry with you either way, you like what you like. But you are fooling yourself if you think that it's called a mocha if you add a lot of chocolate and whipped cream. and for that, you probably do the same thing in your own life. believing you are something you are not.

chai, lets be honest, the only true chai is a blend of black tea, cardamom seed, cloves, cinnomon, any other ingredients depending on variety. if you havent extracted the tea yourself, you probably just like it because it is sweet and spicy. dont get me wrong, i love oregon iced chai. but its the sugar that i want when i drink it. lol. now actual chai, is fucking amazing when you brew the right amount. add milk and sugar to taste, whatever you like.

tea, its pretty hard to tell what a person is like with tea. statistically there are higher amounts of asian people who drink green tea and english/european and middle eastern people who drink black tea. but what does that mean . . . . i think its the flavor of tea that tells a bit about a person. If you add ice, its because you are impatient.

americno's- why...... i dont understand you. its like having a really bitter cup of coffee with less caffeine. torture much?

the man of my dreams will drink a cup of coffee, and make it his damn self. hahaha. but will occasionally enjoy a latte made by yours truly.

solitude....

its a beautiful song if you've never heard it. she speaks of a person haunting her, someone from her past.

i look back on my life and wonder where that boy went.

my innocence, my big heart full of dreams.

my mind is constantly in motion,

i never get a chance to speak to

the wind or the tree's like i used to.

silly maybe.

but i lost a big part of me when i lost those sweet sweet friends of mine;

removed from my sight

so what about my solitude.

my contention lies in the

discovery of my own humanity,

determining my own moral

without hesitation!

and to remain eternally loyal to myself.

am i just selfish, a narcissus.

am i justified.

and what of love,

i know nothing of love.

my dreams fade a bit more

with the setting of each sun.

so for now, i find love in myself, in my solitude